Oreo – Oreo love Hametta.  He would like to run away with her to escape her family.  But first he must kill the man who killed his father and married his mother.  Oreo talks about death and suicide a lot, almost as much as he talks about killing his father’s murderer.

 

Hametta – Hametta loves Oreo to a fault, but doesn’t understand when he gets cryptic and starts talking about death.  She is a blushing flower that would follow Oreo anywhere, and thinks making a suicide pact would be just as easy as running away from her family and her chosen courtier.  Hametta is a bit of a flirt, probably what got her engaged to Hoilio in the first place.

 

Jennetta – Jennetta is the villian.  She loves Hoilio, but Hoilio wants Hametta.  She often dresses up in a fake mustache to spy on Hametta.  She gives this information to Hoilio in hopes of showing him what a tart Hametta is and winning his heart for her own.

 

Hoilio – He is an upstanding citizen and is loved by Hametta’s father.  He was given Hametta’s hand by her family and is intent on keeping it.  He had a fling with Jennetta once and denies it to the end.  He has rank in the militia and Jennetta often sneaks around, in her disguise, to be close to him.

 

The Immortal Bard – Some strange cross between the Bard from Twelfth Night and Puck.  He sits back and watches the show and makes silly remarks ad trips up the crew as they try to get through their night of mystery.  Basically making a fool of everyone including himself.

 

******************************************************

The Immortal Bard

 

Bard:  

sing What a prickly monster;Love in this day and age can be;Lovers can so easily get lost;Searching for what makes them happy

 

Bard:

sing Take up the sword of improbability;You must learn how to survive;Slay the dragon and take the plunge;And maybe you’ll stay alive

 

Hametta:  act as Hametta and Oreo wander in, fawning over each other.

 

Bard:

Sing Now see the wond’rous couple o’er there;Oreo and Hametta are their names;Their search has been onward for some time now;And yet still they are playing their games.

 

Oreo sings:

Sing I cannot abide the night without you;My dearest Hametta, we must now leave;Out there in the world there is a freer land;But our time is so short, we must go this eve

 

Bard: act as the bard waves her hand just as Oreo finishes his first stanza, causing the couple to pause and attempt to stand motionless as the bard looks out towards the audience with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

 

Bard: say ‘Please bear with me a moment while I introduce our delightful cast of characters.

 

Bard: recites Ever passionate Oreo, his love for Hametta is only surpassed by his obsession with death and his need to avenge his father.

 

Bard: act the Bard waves her hand again, freeing the actors to continue with their performance.)

 

Hametta sings:

Sing In my father’s bosom, I have lived for all my life;Oh Oreo, for much longer I know I cannot abide;But you speak so of life and death so constantly;To be without you, I would surely have died.

 

Bard: act the Bard grins impishly as she waves her hand again, right as Oreo opens his mouth to sing.  Winking at the disgruntled actor, she turns back towards the audience.

 

Bard: recites The vapid yet beauteous Hametta, her love overshadows all common sense, especially when it comes to breaking from her father’s will that she marry another.

 

Bard: act the Bard turns back towards the audience and starts to raise her hand, causing Oreo to inhale deeply in preparation.  She pauses, humming a mischievous tune, she waits until he almost bursts before waving her hand to continue the action.

 

Oreo: act as Oreo grimaces at the bard before he focuses on the fair Hametta and continues to sing.

 

Hametta: sing with Oreo

 

Oreo sings:

Sing Ah, to die, to dream no more, my love;But what dreams would come, I don’t know;But first I must fix what has gone undone;A family blight that must reap what he did sow

 

Oreo sings: (chorus with Hametta)

Chorus Live or die, we must be gone tonight;End this torturous life we live and forever be one;Stealth, stealth must be with us to make it work;And secret too to make our final run

 

Oreo:  say Ho there, here comes that handsome young boy, Jennero!

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta (disguised as Jennero) wanders in, glances to the crowd and straightens her fake mustache before turning to the fawning couple.

 

Jennetta/Jennero: 

What I see here is a cooperative;Of the esoteric nocturnal sort;What manner of collective;Do you have to report?

 

Bard: as the Bard faces the audience with a mischievious grin and waves her arm, a bit distracted at the actors behind her, not noticing how they struggle to stop moving and be still as she speaks.

 

Bard: recites The devious Jennetta, besotted with Hametta’s fiancé, the gallant Hoilio.  She is determined to have him at any cost, shall we see just how far she will go?

 

Bard: as the Bard turns back to look at the nefarious crossdresser and gestures negligently, allowing the play to continue.

 

Hametta: act as Hametta flirts with Jennero

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta (disguised as Jennero) blinks at Hametta.

 

Oreo smiles at Jennero and tells vaguely of their plan, thinking Jennero is no more of a harmless boy.

 

Oreo sings:

Sing Let us now go on our ways;To prepare for this wondrous night;Whether we go to freedom or hades;Tis this evening that two lovebirds take flight!

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta (disguised as Jennero) smiles thinly at the couple as they wander off to further their plot.

 

Jennetta sings:

Sing harshlyTo rush about a woman, no one would give a like;And to my womanly ways, no one a whim in their thoughts;So to see my ends, a villain I must become;Two face, fisted heart who must foil all the plots.

 

Jennetta/Jennero sings:

Sing lovingly Commander Hoilio, that kind and gentle soul;What would become of him if he lost his one and only?;What horror to lose a loved one in such a way;I imagine he will be so very lonely.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta ponders and pulls the mustache from her face sadly.

 

Jennetta sings:

Sing wistfully How does such a blind eye get turned?;And pull the heartstrings towards such a thing;To Hametta they seem all drawn;Puppets to her whims, made to sing

 

Jennetta sings:

Sing firmly His time or attentions, he shall not give, ;Saemaus has said, I shall have my say;If sweet mysteries of manhood show me;I shall have him another way

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta readjusts her mustache and wanders off to find Commander Hoilio.

 

Bard: act as the Bard ponders.

 

Bard sings:

Sing The earth shakes of hunger, the night falls near;Thus the prickly monster has risen and smelled its prey;Soon Hoilio will be searching for his Hametta dear;I dare not want to be Oreo at the end of this day

 

Bard: act as the Bard walks over to a shrubery set up on the edge of the stage and peeks over at the Commander’s tent.

 

Bard sing:

Sing What is it about love, the emotion sublime;That makes some people lose all of their sense?;I swear that these ‘lovebirds’ with the stars in their eyes;Their minds have become ever so dense!

 

Bard: act as the Bard looks over at Commander Hoilio as he greets the young Jennerro, with a friendly slap on the shoulder that speaks of long association.

 

Bard: recites Ah... our upstanding citizen, Hoilio.  Betrothed to the fair Hametta, his only goal it so see her forever by his side, not quite comprehending that she might not feel the same.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta sidles up to Holio, standing up on her tiptoes to sing quietly into his ear, glancing right and left and subtly showing that she has something sordid to say.

 

Jenetta/Jennero:

Sing sweetly Oh did you hear of two who would flee;To freedom, or if not, to the grave?;Tis a sordid plan, but one you should see;For one of the two you would save

 

Jennetta:

Sing sweetly Hametta would rather with Oreo die;Than share in Hoilio’s hard bed;In life or death with Oreo she’ll lie;Not with you, for she’d rather be dead!

 

Jennetta:

Sing tenderly But fear not, I have heard of another who would be there;Even though others have tried to steal your heart;Tis the fairest Jennetta, whom once gave herself to you;Could she not tend you in your time of need?

 

Jennetta: act as Jennero winks at Hoilio knowingly.

 

Hoilio:  frown

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio grumpily says,  “Tis a falcity, I’ve never a thing with Jennetta, and I never will.”

 

Hoilio sings:

Sing lovingly So Sweet and pure;Is the clover where I stand;Does reek like manure;Next to her perfumed hand.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennero swoons silently at Hoilio’s angelic voice.

 

Hoilio sings:

Sing lovingly The sun brings the day;And glory uncompared;Yet darker is the day;When she’s not there.

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio closes his eyes, engrossed in his singing, barely notices Jennero leaning close to him.)

 

Hoilio sings:

Sing lovingly I have wooed my lady fair;And paid good money to her father;My right to wed her I now declare;Deep in my heart she is no bother.

 

Hoilio sings:

Sing tenderly I will show that she will love me;And in my bed she’ll soon be my treasure;We will soon be together and then she will see;How I can give a woman pleasure…

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio openes his eyes and sees Jennero leaning in for a kiss, he looks around embarassed and puts the boy quickly at arm’s reach.)

 

Hoilio sings:

Sing cautiously Oh my, dear boy, this is not the place;Do you think that with a boy I would lie?;With a kiss you try to get my grace;I’m not gay but… well…. Maybe I’m bi!

 

Bard: act as the Bard gazes at the odd couple with an extremely amused expression on his face.

 

Bard: act as the Bard turns a sickening sweet smile to the audience.

 

Bard sings:

Sing mischievously The commander seems easy to deceive;As the lady in disguise attempts to coerce;The air is laden thick this eve;The pungent, distinctive smell of farce

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio and Jennero sniff the air around them.

 

Bard: act as the Bard exclaims, “It was a metaphor, guys.  Get over it!”

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio and Jennetta, as Jennero, stare at the bard.

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio and Jennetta, as Jennero, wander off to find the vagrant couple.

 

Bard: act as the Bard walks slowly as the scenery changes around him.  Trees and shrubbery roll across the stage on wheels, going past the bard in high speed, making it seem like he is moving through the countryside at a good pace.  Finally the bard and scenery come to a rest.

 

Bard: act as the Bard looks over his shoulder as a curly head happens to peek from behind a bush.  The bush shakes momentarily as the stagehand ducks quickly behind his scenery again.   The bard chuckles softly, faces the audience and gives you a wink.

 

Bard: act as the Bard smiles and turns slowly around surveying the area.  He finds himself in a pastoral setting, off under a nearby tree sit Hametta and Oreo. 

 

Hametta: act as Hametta gazes longingly at Oreo while he twirls a dagger between his fingers, a maniacal look upon his face as he sings of his revenge.

 

Oreo sings:

Sing darkly He sought to take his place;When my father’s life he did end;But I can’t wait to see his face;When his death he sees I send.

 

Oreo: act as Oreo poses heroically.

 

Oreo sings:

Sing darkly A poisoned dagger brings his fate;The snake that would be king;Mother’s life he will not mate;For it’s his grisly death I bring!

 

Hametta: act as Hametta gently places her hand on Oreo’s arm and smiles softly.

 

Hametta:

Sing cautiously This constant talk of hate and revenge ;I’ve begun to gravely fear;For it is word of our future together;That I so long to hear

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta (disguised as Jennero) pulls Hoilio after her as she sneaks closer towards the couple as they quietly converse under the tree.

 

Jennero sings:

Sing mockingly Does she not now look weak;Simpering to her beloved’s stall;Soft now and listen as they speak;Their soft and loving bardic call

 

Oreo: act as Oreo kisses Hametta softly on the lips.

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio jumps at Oreo and draws his sword, posing dramatically, looking rather like a peacock in uniform.

 

Hoilio (to Oreo):

Sing confidently Her father consented to give me her hand;She is therefore mine by right;Now stand and face me like a man;I will put an end to your flight

 

Oreo: act as Oreo quickly draws his sabre and furiously lunges at Hoilio.

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio parries the lunge with ease and follows with several well placed slashes.

 

Oreo: act as Oreo dodges and feints awkwardly, clearly outmaneuvered by the more experienced Hoilio.

 

Oreo: act as Oreo glares at Hoilio and declares loudly, despite being out of breathe.

 

Oreo sings:

Sing firmly You cannot come between us;Nor will she be your wife;I shall prove my love is greater;Though I pay with my own life

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio, in a particularly deft move, knocks the sabre from Oreo’s hand and sends him tumbling to the ground.

 

Hametta:

Sing Have mercy Commander,;And stay your hand…;Do not slay my beloved,;Or worse leave him unmanned!

 

Oreo: act as Oreo’s eyes suddenly widen and he quickly scrambles backward while trying to cross his legs.

 

Hametta: act as Hametta raises a hand to her forehead, and with eyes fluttering sinks to the ground in a suspiciously graceful swoon.

 

Oreo: act as Oreo and Hoilio rush to Hametta when she faints, Oreo grabbing her by the arms, Hoilio her legs, and attempt to leave in opposite directions.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta rolls her eyes as both men looking to Hametta to make sure she’s ok.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta mutters something about tarts.

 

Hoilio:

Sing firmly Unhand her fiend!;Will you not concede?;Do not tempt my anger;Or you shall surely bleed!

 

Oreo:

Sing loudly Your threats are as empty;As your pitiful claim;It is me that she loves,;And she shall take my name!

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio and Oreo continue to struggle, nearly pulling Hametta in two, when Jennetta finally has enough and snaps.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta (disguised as Jennero) says to Hoilio, hands on her hips and a look of utter frustration on her face

 

Jennetta sings:

Sing rancidly What mockery is this? ;Would you take just her feet?;Can you prefer half a woman;While I stand here complete?

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio blinks at Jennero in complete puzzlement, unable to make sense of what he’s said.

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta rips off her mustache and glares at the others.

 

Jennetta (aside):

Sing quietly Enough is enough!;I’ve endured all I can!;In one stroke I’ll redeem;My failed secret plan!

 

Jennetta: act as Jennetta grabs Oreo’s discarded weapon and rushes awkwardly toward Hametta, sabre wobbling above her head and a crazed look in her eye.

 

Oreo: act as Oreo and Hoilio fling themselves in front of Jennetta, dropping Hametta in the process with a loud thump.

 

Bard: act as the Bard snaps her fingers, freezing the actors before things can get too out of hand.

 

Bard: act as the Bard mutters something about young love and snorts.

 

Bard:

Sing I see that again it has fallen to me;To guide these young lovers on their course;It will take a miracle to set things aright;I must use a small measure of force

 

Bard: act as the Bard produces a bottle of Sweetwater that was hidden on her person and gazes quietly at it with a wistful smile.

 

Bard sing wistfully 

Sing wistfully Oh blessed Sweetwater, most magical elixir;Your power no mortal can resist;If I have my way,  and I always do;This arguing will not persist

 

Bard: act as the Bard turns to the other actors and sings to them.

 

Bard:

Sing Misguided young lovers, by your passions made bold;I fear that you’ve gone much too far;With this potion I seek to mend all the wrongs;Though the effect may be somewhat bizarre

 

Bard: act as the Bard steps around Hametta, on the ground, and over to Jennetta.  With a mischievious wink, he rubs the bottle on her hand, which is now trembling from holding the sabre overhead for so long.

 

Bard: act as the Bard moves over to Hoilio tweaks his nose, forcing his mouth open, and proceeds to pour the contents of the bottle down his throat…seemingly unperturbed by the fact that a good portion of the liquid is spilling from his mouth and staining his uniform.

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio‘s nostrils flare in irritation as he struggles to swallow.

 

Bard: act as the Bard, with a look of supreme satisfaction on her face, turns to the audience and speaks.

 

Bard: act as the Bard says, “I’m not just a bard, you know.  I’ve got a vestment as well.”

 

Bard: act as the Bard smiles and shows her “Clerics ‘R’ Us” order badge.

 

Bard: act as the Bard snaps her fingers one last time, and sets the actors back into motion.

 

Hoilio: act as Hoilio blinks once in confusion, gazes at Jennetta with a strange wondrous look in his eyes, then promptly sweeps Jennetta into his arms and begins to profess his undying love.

 

Everyone Kisses!  (Except the bard)

 

Sing sweetly If we should offend sensibilities, hear my plea;Of bardic following am I, as are all of we;Dabbler of many, master of none, they say;Our art is our path and only way

 

Sing sweetly True hearts are more easily found than caught;Frustration of your search makes it feel its all for naught;But when two hearts collide, there is no finer notion;Whether it be love at first sight, or sweetwater potion

 

Sing matter-of-factly And though we might annoy some and make irrate.;Give a thought to the season we celebrate;And when I have finished with this fair song;I ask only this, "Can't we all just get along?"

 

 

Chorus of characters, “No!”

 

Bard: act as the Bard shrugs and walks off stage.  Her work here is done!

 

The End!