The Day the Ferries Raced
by Bubbinster Bladebender
Narrator:
Honor Captain:
Grace Captain:
Honor Passenger 1:
Honor Passenger 2:
Grace Passenger 1:
Grace Passenger 2: The play begins......
Bubbinster strides out in front of the audience, dressed in weather-beaten clothing, and cradling a mandolin in one hand, and a mug of beer in the other. You see a elaborate stage set up like two opposing ships of some sort, while the dwarf Bubbinster stands betwixt the ships, on what appears to be a dock.
Bubbinster guzzles a beer.
Bubbinster finishes drinking, then suddenly notices the audience, blushes, then gets ready to start the performance.
Bubbinster sings: When yer in de crossing and going' to Leth, der iz a river, Dat blocks yer path, and if yer south and yer travels north lay, der iz dat same river, still in yer way
Bubbinster sings: De rivers deep, de rivers wide, how do we get, to de other side? De ferry of course, of which der are two, one or de other, de job dey will do!
Bubbinster sings: Kertigen's Honor and Hodierna's grace, either will get ye, from place to place. De ferries been running, fer a long time indeed, ready to serve ye, when yer in need!
Bubbinster sings: Have ye ever noticed, in de middle dey pass, have ye ever wondered, of which is de fast? Well mebbe ye haven't, but I'll tell ye who do, de captains of ferries, as well as de crew!
Bubbinster smiles a funny little grin and with a casual wave of his arm, motions to two captains, one on each side of the stage, each of whom seem to be posing at the helm of a ship
Honor captain salutes
Grace captain salutes
Captain Opala: Opala is my name, how do you do? Welcome aboard, and a good day to you! I am the captain, of the slick Grace, and I say my ferry, will win any race!
Captain Opala inspects the Grace for imperfections, taking only a moment or two to glare at Roxana and her miserable tub, the Honor.
Grace passengers cheer
Honor passengers boo
Captain Roxana: I am Roxana, or Rox to a few. Know when you pay me, I share with my crew! For I captain the Honor, a ferry so quick, don't listen to Op’la, she makes me sick!
Roxana Stands with her foot firmly planted on the prow with a smirk curling her lip
Grace passengers boo
Honor passengers cheer
Bubbinster waves to the captains, then looks at a group of passengers, some seem to be boarding the ferry Grace, some boarding Honor.
All passengers sing along with the Overall Lead Passenger: We are de travelers, tired and sore, we pay our coin to reach yonder shore!
Honor passengers, sing with Honor lead passenger: We ride de Honor, tis our favorite ship, its crew is fastest, dey never slip!
Honor passengers come aboard, acting like passengers.
Roxana rubs her bullwhip with a gleam in her eye.
Grace passengers sing with Grace lead passenger: Grace is our pleasure, a ferry so neat, with our crew and captain, we can't be beat!
Grace passengers come aboard, acting like passengers.
Opala parades up and down the deck waving at the crowd but never takes her eye off her able bodied crew.
Bubbinster sings: So on it continued, talk of who's best, til one day when all talk, would be put to rest, For that day the ferries, had a battle of pride, both of the ferries, start from de same side!
Bubbinster sings: Dey lined up both ships, as de ropes groan and creak, today we would find out, who's mighty, who's meek! De captains were glaring, each wanting to win, der crews were excited, and started to grin...
Roxana walks among her men whispering encouragement and glancing over at Opala.
Opala fingers the smooth wood of the wheel and leans into the wind hoping to beat Roxana on the draw.
Bubbinster sings: De passengers wondered, wot wuz going down? Which would be first, to reach Crossing town? De winner would be, de first at de wharf, de race would be started, by a humble bard dwarf!
Bubbinster on stage attempts to look humble, but he just looks pathetic Bubbinster sings: De dwarf raised his arms, the crews grit their teeth, the passengers wondered, wuz de dwarf a thief? Down came de arms, the dwarf flashed a grin, de passengers wondered, does he play mandolin?
Bubbinster acts suspiciously like a thief for a minute, then resumes his old mannerisms, and strums his mandolin briefly.
Opala: Pull on those ropes boys! Pull those ropes hard, Pull like you’re pulling this beast down to Shard!
Opala: This race is important, I'll have you know, And in a short moment, away we will go. Man your positions, tow your own line, I promise you wenches, I promise you wine!
Opala laughs heartily with a crazed look in her eyes!
Roxana: Pull on the ropes mates, Though pulling gets tough, Pull like you’re pulling a rich Trader’s fluff!
Roxana's voice calls cadence over the grunts of her straining crew.
All Passengers with Overall lead passenger: Oh my goodness, Oh my gosh, look at the river water slosh!
Honor passengers sing with lead honor passenger: We shall win, we shan't lose, wonder if they're serving booze.
Grace passengers sing with lead grace passenger: Watch 'em pull, hope they last, my this ferry ride is fast!
Bubbinster sings: With a mighty heave, the ferries began the race, the captains scowled and yelled, the crews all joined the chase! The passengers were smiling, for there was still time yet, to throw the dwarf their coinage, for the dwarf wuz takin' bets!
All passengers toss coins to Bubbinster.
Bubbinster makes several greedy grabs for the airborne coins.
Bubbinster sings: The crews were pulling fiercely, started to break a sweat, the passengers all coinless, with nothing left to bet, Onlookers were gathering, here to see the sight, of ferries racing madly, the captains filled with spite
Roxana: "Look to your ropes men!" Pats the arse of her first mate for luck, grinning to her passengers!
Opala yells: "Take ship, me hearties!" and a confident grin, she flips a coin at the feet of the dwarf with a dazzling spin.
Bubbinster sings: On the shore the dwarf wuz, staring at the boats, mandolin in hand, he played some racing notes, No matter what would happen, no matter who would win, the dwarf knew quite fer surely, this wuz a tale to spin!
Bubbinster ponders how many beers folks would buy him to sing this story.
Bubbinster sings: Now the crews were straining, pulling on the ropes, Captains were going crazy, pondering their hopes, 'I've never seen em faster', a passenger did say, Neck and neck they jostled, As they neared the point halfway.
Roxana: I'll be damned if I will lose it, I'll give you the whip, I'll drive you all much harder, to beat Op’la’s ship!
Roxana cracks her mighty bullwhip in the air threateningly!
Opala: We must not be beaten, Our weight is too soft, Ah! The way we shall win, is to throw someone off!
Opala violently grabs Giona and tosses him overboard! She screams curses and threats at her crew, driving them on!
Grace passenger 1 screams in terror at seeing someone chucked overboard.
Honor Passenger 1 sings: Roxana's on a power trip, I wonder if she would sell dat whip?
Honor passenger 2 sings: 'Hear it snap, hear it crack, I am glad she's not whipping my back!
Grace passenger 1 sings: Opala threw Giona in the drink, wonder if he'll swim or sink?
Grace lead passenger sings: Opala iz rotten to de core, guess I'll swim to yonder shore!
Bubbinster sings: So now the race wuz raging, the ferries at great speed, The crews were feeling tired, their hands began to bleed, The ropes were taunt and rigid, burdening the strain, No one seemed to notice, for ropes could feel no pain.
Bubbinster sings: Passengers were yelling, cheering on their ship, The captains screaming crazy, brandishing their whips, the crews were getting worried, thought their crew may lose, the gamblers yelled 'Daddy, needs a new pair of shoes!'
Bubbinster sings: Now the dock wuz getting closer, the race wuz almost done, in just a few more minutes, we would know who won. The ships were still dead even, though a passenger wuz tossed, who would be the winner, when the river run was crossed?
Bubbinster sings: Can ye guess the winner? Which ferry won the crown? You may never know the answer, fer neither reached the town. For in the final seconds, the ropes could take no more, snapping with a mighty crack, heard above the rivers roar.
Opala: Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh, were going doooowwwwwwnnnnnn!
Opala frantically tries to regain control of the Grace, but the ferry, like her Captain, are too wayward to be controlled.
Roxana: Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, were going to droooooowwwwwwnnnn!
Roxana hangs on to the wheel, desperately trying to steer the Honor to shore!
Honor passenger 1 sings: Man this stinks, this really blows, wonder where this river goes?
Honor Passenger 2 sings: We are doomed, we're gonna die, I wonder if a Tog can cry?
Grace lead passenger sings: I'm glad my armor wasn't wore, cuz now I made it to the shore!
Bubbinster sings: That day they learned a lesson, as they washed wildly down stream, who's faster doesn't matter, important as it may seem, For the only one who gained, in this tale of ferry lore, wuz a humble dwarves strummer, who stayed upon the shore!
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