Llorienzel and the Great Tower of Shard
Of the Fairy Tale Theater Series
by Razzleberrie Dalure and Shenney Morynna Evil Guard hisses from the shadows. [You hear the spine-chilling hiss of a S'Kra Mur somewhere in the shadows.]
The Evil Guard whispers from the shadows, "I've been watching you and now I've caught you!" and the sound of a heavy metal door being slammed shut rings through the air.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Sinuous S'kra Guard in Shard's Great Tower
Kept fair Llorienzel locked up under his power
Furious she was, alone and untamed
With golden hair in twisting,
and twisting
Braided chains.
Llorienzel shakes her fist at the Dwarven Fairy.
The Dwarven Fairy straightens his wings and faces the audience, looking a bit miffed.
Llorienzel: I'm not a silly pale-faced flower of a goddess, you lack wit of a Dwarven fairy! Now hush while I concoct a plan to break out of this tower.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Round and round she paced the tower
Heedless of the S'kra guard's glower
Guard hisses from the shadows.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Freeing her hair in a tumble of glory
She threw it out of the fortieth story.
In hopes that a suitor would come to pass
Drawn in by the spun gold mass.
Llorienzel (coyly): Well I might as well take advantage of the situation...
Llorienzel gives the audience a big flirtatious wink.
The Dwarven Fairy blushes, then faces the audience bashfully.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
And a noble young paladin came clanking in
Full of virtue and free from sin
And once he caught sight of her locks of gold
His place in this story began to unfold.
A paladin comes clanking in and gazes up towards the window of the Great Tower.
The Paladin grasps Llorienzel's hair, and, with a manly grin, leaps in dazzling heroic fashion to grab hold of her hair with his other hand, preparing to pull himself up towards the open window.
Llorienzel, screams loudly and shrilly.
The Evil Guard enters the chamber.
Evil Guard (hisses): What in the name of Hav'roth is going on here?
Llorienzel replied with tears streaming down her face, "I was drying my hair and I noticed a gray strand!"
The Evil Guard mutters something about women.
The Evil Guard leaves the chamber.
Llorienzel casually observes the area.
Llorienzel appears to be listening intently for something.
Llorienzel: You stupid idiot! Do you know how many years of my life I've had to spend in the Leth beauty salon to grow this? Who in Elanthia would climb up a woman's hair in full plate?! Let go you dumb oaf!
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
The Paladin tried to let go of her hair
With a shriek and howl, she shot him a glare
But strands were caught in the joints of his glove
And she threw curses at him from up above
The Paladin, flustered, frees his hand with a great yank and rides off without a backward glance.
Llorienzel mutters about walking tin cans with field goblin parents.
The Dwarven Fairy, hums to himself, giving his wings a quick flap before his next cue.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
A lively young halfling came jouncing in
With eyes alight and mouth agrin
Traveling from Arthe for Liani's Sweet Tarts
Our Tale continues, and his turn in it starts
Llorienzel catches sight of the latest traveler and gives her stream of golden hair a teasing shake.
The Halfling gasps.
The Halfling makes an odd noise like he just inhaled a tart.
Halfling: Is it...could it be...it's the magical ale waterfall my grandpappy used to tell me about!
Smiling deliriously, the Halfling bounces toward the golden cascade, and attempts to drink a big mouthful of the golden stream of hair.
The Halfling gags horribly and gasps for air!
Halfling: Ahhh! This is flagrant false advertising!
Llorienzel feels an odd tugging sensation upon her scalp and squints down towards the ground below.
Llorienzel: What in the name of Asketi is fate sending me this time?
Halfling: You shoe dependent, tart ignorant shrew! I nearly choked on your hair!
Llorienzel says in a prissy voice, "You furry-footed hooligan! You pack that pipe with samatak 'stead of tobacco or somethin?"
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
The halfling ranted and raged, and pummeled the tower
Llorienzel, still trapped, glared down, looking sour.
With one last jab, he finished with a scoff,
With one last sneer, the Halfling jounced off
Now word of advice to all you young men
Damsels in distress --- Avoid them!"
Llorienzel says in a prissy voice, "What're you blubbering about now, you confounded scene-stealer?"
The Dwarven Fairy glances down at the ground, his gossamer wings quivering a bit from the memory.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
My trite rhyming plight was caused by one
When in my youth I chased ladies for fun
In a botched attempt, she sealed my fate
For a witch had conjured a fair damsel as bait
The feminist cast on me one horrid curse
Henceforth to always speak in tritely rhymed verse!"
Llorienzel says in a prissy voice, "Can we get the spotlight back on me, please?"
The Dwarven Fairy tosses his thick beard behind one wing and again faces the audience.
A Gnome followed by a cart comes across the Great Tower.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
A balding gnome entered, pushing a cart
Caught sight of the tower, and stopped with a start
He peered up at our lady, rubbing his chin
And our final episode, we now shall begin."
The Dwarven Fairy bows grandly to the audience.
The Gnome blinks at the long length of golden hair.
Gnome: My word. That's a lotta hair.
Gnome: What a fine lot of static electricity that length of hair could produce..
The Gnome calls out to Llorienzel, "Lady! You aren't by any chance willing to let me experiment with your hair are you?"
Llorienzel glances suspiciously at him and asks him, "My hair?"
Llorienzel mutters into the air about what happened to all the dashing men Elanthia supposedly has to offer?
The Gnome nods enthusiastically.
Gnome: Could make good quality silken rope outta that length, I think."
The Gnome rubs his chin, pensively.
Gnome: Might be just what I need.
Llorienzel: You want to do WHAT with my hair?! Make my beautiful golden hair into an ordinary rope?"
Llorienzel: You've been thrown by Togs one time too many!
Gnome: Well fine then! I guess I'll be off on my way.
Llorienzel: No! Wait!
The Evil Guard enters Llorienzel's chamber.
Hissing under his breath, the S'kra Guard drops a plateful of rancid food at Llorienzel's feet.
The Evil Guard exits the chamber.
Llorienzel sticks her head out of the tower window and yells out to the Gnome, "Wait! Come back! I wasn't finished!"
Llorienzel: I'll trade my gold ring for your help!
The Gnome turns back and looks at her.
Gnome: I gots gold.
Llorienzel: My anklet? Made of various metals melded together?
Gnome: No need. I'm tryin to make inventions that I can carry, remember?
The Gnome collapses under his burden, as if to demonstrate a point.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
We can't have a gnome without an encumbrance joke,
So please bear with us all you kind audience folk
Llorienzel: Fine! Fine! You win! I'll offer you a lock of my hair.
Gnome: Well...it would be an interesting addition to my electricity machine. If we found a better source of electricity than those pesky warmies think of all the neat inventions we could make to run on it!
Gnome: Yes! I'll take your offer! I'll help you for one long of your amazing hair.
Llorienzel mumbles under her breath, "I hope this kook can help me bust out of this infernal tower."
The Gnome starts rummaging through his wagon and all sorts of loud clanking sounds then ensue.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
The Gnome carved an arrow with a rope at its tail
To shoot through the window--His plan couldn't fail!
Fair Llorienzel climbed out the window and then found
That her hair was stuck when she got to the ground.
Llorienzel lets out a piercing scream that would have made any bard proud.
Llorienzel: My hair! It's stuck!
The Gnome says helpfully, "Just yank it free, Llori!"
Llorienzel: Why you impertinent gnome! My name is Llorienzel, and I certainly don't know you well enough for you to take liberties with me! And what do you mean yank it free?!"
The Gnome mutters something about women and finally clambers up the rope and frees Llorienzel's hair.
The S'kra guard enters the room after hearing the screaming and sees the tower room free of Llorienzel and one bald-headed gnome on the windowsill.
Evil Guard (hissing): Not on my watch, you don't!
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
With a grunt and a hiss, he showed off his power
And dropkicked that poor gnome right out of the tower.
The Gnome shrieks as he flies out of the tower and into his wagon.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Into the wagon, the Gnome did flailingly fall
And crunch went his treasures, broken all.
Llorienzel frantically grabs the gnome's hand and his wagon as they beat a hasty retreat.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Quickly they ran out the West Gate of Shard and into the woods
And then the gnome collapsed, sobbing over his broken goods.
The Gnome wailed, "My inventions! My life's work! All gone!" and then sobbed on.
Llorienzel blinks.
Llorienzel: But..but.. you still have the pleasure of my company.
Llorienzel preens.
Gnome sighs, putting his head against a stump.
The Gnome says hopelessly, "It's all gone. It's all gone."
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Now Llorienzel's selfish heart did wince,
For she felt terrible for her poor prince
He paid a heavy price for his rescuing of her
And a kind thought in her mind there did hover
Llorienzel glances at the weeping gnome, flicking her eyes down toward the ground.
Llorienzel: I know places and people, who've got some odd trinkets that might fix your machines.
Llorienzel: I...I could show them to you.
The Gnome stops weeping and gazes up at her with hope in his eyes.
The Gnome asks in between sniffles, "Rea..Really?"
Llorienzel proffers her hand to the gnome and solemnly says, "Really."
The Dwarven fairy gestures subtly and an orchestra starts to play.
Dwarven Fairy (recites):
Soft lilting music began to emanate
When our two heroes were joined by fate
And Llorienzel and her Gnomic prince
Have adventured happily ever, ever since.
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